Friday, February 19, 2010


I know I am a horrible blogger. My excuse is that I don't have the time or energy, but I need to make the time. Not because I want the whole world to know about every detail of my life, but because I need to express myself, and well...journal writing is too hard. It is easier and faster to type it all up. So I have resolved that I am going to do this, because I need an outlet. And if you all want to follow along, then that is fine. But don't blame me if some of the subject matter is boring and/or uncomfortable for you. Hehehehe.

Just saying...

Right now it seems like not much is going very well at all. Not to be a whiner, but I am having a really hard time right now. I think because I have all sorts of ages in the house, and because each age comes with its own set of unique problems, I have a lot of drama in my house. I can list it if you would like:

1. Michael's hair--this has become an issue in our ward. IN OUR WARD! What?! It seems that there are people in our ward who have complained to the Bishop about Michael's hair, and so the Bishop pulled Michael aside and told him that he needed to get a haircut and change his hair back to its normal color. And he gave him an ultimatum...he may not pass the sacrament or be the Teacher's Quorum President (which he has already been called to, but not sustained) until he does this. So of course, we have been having major discussions in our home about this. And of course Michael doesn't want to do either, and he is fine with not performing his priesthood duties. Arggghh! What is a parent to do? I am mad. Not only at the people in our ward who can't mind their own business, but also because as a parent I had chosen not to make Michael's hair an issue, and now I am forced to support the Bishop. I feel like my rights as a parent have been ignored. If anybody has any great advice on how to handle this whole situation, it would be greatly appreciated. I love Michael in spite of and because of his hair!


2. Hailey is friendless. Well, that is not entirely true. But it is how she feels in our ward. Last night we went to a Mother/Daughter Relief Society meeting and she ended up crying. And it is because there was a group of young women sitting at a table, and none of them bothered to talk to her. I felt so bad for her. She sat with me and my friends, but she did not interact with any of the girls there. She says she feels like none of the girls in the ward like her. She says that none of the beehives in her class talk to her and that is why she has been bringing her non-member friend, Whitni, to mutual for the past year. Just so she could have someone to talk to. (She deserves lots of pats on the back for the missionary work she has been doing with Whitni--she wants to be baptized). It has been this way for the past 2 years that we have been in this ward. She doesn't feel included, and nobody really talks to her. She has such a sparkly personality, and she really does make an effort to talk to the girls, but they don't seem to respond to her. It's not just her imagination--I have observed this as well. IT BREAKS MY HEART! I wish I could just shake all of the girls! I'm sure they don't do it on purpose--they already have their friends, and don't really think about how it feels for someone who is trying to make friends. But Hailey has LOTS of friends at school, and she really shines there! I love my Hailey Bug!


3. Audrey is really feeling the Middle Child Syndrome. She gets upset easily, and lately has been very clingy to me. I know it because she is feeling forgotten and neglected in all of the teenage drama that we have been dealing with. And also because the two little boys get much, much attention. I think she is a little jealous. But that is a problem that is more easily remedied. I know exactly how to fix her problem. It is just about finding a way to give her more of the attention that she deserves. I really do love my Audrey!


4 & 5. I am going to put Dylan and Jacob together--because they are the Destructive Duo! My house looks like a tornado struck every day, and I never seem to be able to get it set in order before the next wave! I wish I had a housekeeper and a cage! They are my sweet, sweet boys, but they exhaust me. By the end of the day I am drained! Love my two little ones!


So there you have it in a nutshell. I am having a hard time being a parent. I feel so inadequate and alone sometimes. I really don't have too many friends out here, and most of the people I know are half my age and their biggest issue is potty-training. Teenagers are a whole 'nother can of worms. I feel like a miserable failure as a mother!

On the up side--we are seriously considering moving to the property. Even without the big house done. We would move into the little house as soon as Steve can get it finished, and live in it until we could get the big house built. Hopefully only about a year or so. It depends how the house flipping goes. I guess I can't call him Farm Boy anymore. Maybe Bob Villa?


  1. wow ran! you really do have a lot on your i was reading this my eyes are just filled with tears because i know that you're struggling. It makes me sad/bugged that the ward would take such an interest in michaels hair! He is a teenager...and isnt that what teenagers do? experiment!?! i dont have any words of advice for that situation but im sure someone will. hair (to me) isnt really that big of an issue. boys will be boys. but i understand the predicament your in! im glad youre wiriting on your blog because i know that someone will read and be able to relate!! as for Hailey.....that makes me soo soo so so so sad! any girl would be sooo lucky to have a friend like her! she is so intelligent/creative/nice/fun/ and it just makes me sad that the girls dont see that!! of course i remember when i was in young womens and didnt really realize the effect of something so small. you just get caught up in your own little world and dont realize your surroundings or who else you might not be including! if i could go back and do it again...i wish i could have been more aggressive in including people. but as a young girl, you just dont realize it. has she tried going and talking to them??? i think it's awesome the missionary work shes doing with whitni! she really is a special girl and will always hold a very very very dear place in my heart!!! we have a special and unique bond. so it breaks my heart too to hear that she feels like she has no friends. poor audrey! she needs to talk to nat! :) jk just like you said she just needs some extra attention. and as far as #4and5...well its a phase that will pass....i know it's easy for me to say because i havent reached those stages yet....or i dont have 5 kids.....or i dont have teenagers, so in those respects, i really dont have a lot to relate about. BUT I have felt a lot of the same feelings of inadequacy in marriage/ as a wife/ as a momther (even though its only been a few months) I just want you to know any time you want/need to talk call me!!! I hope you feel like you can even though were not neccessarily in the same stages of life! I Love you Ran....and I know you'll get through this!! Especially with Michael...he's a teenager!!! Colin and I were just talking about this the other night and thinking back to when we were teenagers and teh mistakes we made that we didnt really realize the impact until we got over to the other side...meaning, JUST GETTING seems like it's almost a requirement to go through teeneage years and make dumb mistakes that you look back on and regret. But he is a GOOD kid!!! I love michael too! It will just take time for him to be on the other the meantime it would be nice if the ward could stay out. We were just talking about scott last night at bookclub and what a crazy and wild teenager he was. Ruth even said she saw and danced with him at a stake dance when they were younger and if anyone ever told he she would be marrying him she would have thought they were CRAZY! I dont know if any of this is making sense! and sorry this is soo long! But I really feel for you ran and whenever you need ANYTHING let me know!!! Love you!

  2. Ginny! You are the best! Thanks so much for the kind words--you are so understanding and wise beyond your years. I can learn so much from you. thanks you for saying exactly what I needed to hear at this time--it is so encouraging to me to know that I have people on my side, and that my kids have family cheerleaders too!!!! Anyway, I'll call you and we'll talk. I wish you lived closer!

  3. oh, randi! this is so hard. i don't have teenagers yet, but i know how it feels when your heart aches for your children. i don't know what advice i have to offer, outside of leading by example that we should support our leaders (no matter how frustrating or maddening their actions might be). i agree with gin, michael is a good kid and as you continue to show him your love and steve does too, he will make good choices.

    one of my favorite bloggers wrote a post about her daughter not fitting in the other day- this is the address

    and there was some good advice given by some of her readers. i know the daughter is only 8, but i think the principles apply.

    and, with audrey- i agree- love and attention is what she needs. one on one dates with mom and dad.

    and those boys: bring them over and let me watch them so you can get something done or take a bath or whatever. i'm only a few minutes away now- and so happy to have them.

    maybe we could have a special fast as a family to help you in praying for your children.

    i love you- you have my support in whatever you need!!
    i love you!

  4. Randi, I honestly have no advice to give, but I want you to know that I think you are one of the most amazing women I have ever known. You are such a great mom, and your strength will give your kids strength. Just know that you are loved, appreciated, and adored! I wish I was there to give you a hug, but just know that we are thinking about you guys! We love you!

  5. Thanks, Steph! I will look at the blog you suggested. I always love to hear about other women's experiences--it makes me feel less alone in this.

    You are such a wonderful sister, and a great example to me. I am so glad that you are closer. It is nice to have family around for support, and for impromptu pizza parties! I love you!

  6. Calli,
    Thanks for saying the right thing at the right time! I appreciate your kindeness, and words of encouragement! It's amazing what we can learn from others, and I am constantly amazed by all of your many talents!! You are a great sister, and I can't wait to have you and your family closer so that you can join us in all of our escapades! Luv u!!

  7. My heart is aching for you right now Ran. You are such an amazing mom. You have so much love and patience. I wish I could be half as good as you.

    I am just crying right now. Crying for you. And the alone-ness that you feel in all of this. And crying for each of your children and their special trials. Though maybe not for the 2 little ones. They are just having a party in their life right now. :)hehe

    You always seem to have things so together. I feel like a big whimp when I hear about your days. I couldn't do what you do. And when you talk about it you say it with a chuckle. So it doesn't seem like a struggle.

    I love you. I love your children. I am sorry that you have to deal with all of these things at the same time. Wouldn't it be great if they came one at a time so you could give each thing your undivided attention.

    I don't know what to say. I want to help. I want to just make it all go away for you! I know I can't. But I also don't really know what I CAN do. Will you please tell me how I can help?

    I love you!!
    (still crying by the way)

  8. Thanks, Nat. I wish I was really the mother you think I am. But it is nice to know that I have someone fooled. You are a wonderful sister and friend. Thanks for the encouraging words--you always know how to make me feel better. You have such a vibrant personality--and the ability to do good hair in spite of your personal tragedies. I wish I had that! I love you!

  9. Randi,
    You have been on my mind since I read your post. I have always admired you from the very time I married Scott. You are a strong, independent woman. You are a talented writer and musician. You are so good with money and are educated and intelligent. You are always offering to help, even when things are hard for you. You are honest and open and I love that. You are a hard worker and a wonderful mother. Your kids are #1 in your life and you would do anything for them!

    You commented to Nat, "it is nice to know that I have someone fooled." I feel like that so many times! I pull it together on the outside, but on the inside I am crying. I think, to a degree, we are all fooling each other! We look at each other and think, "They have it all together, why can't I?" But really we are all feeling insecure and inadequate. Life is hard and full of challenges. When it finally gets too hard, I get on my knees. I wait too long. I know I should pray sooner. I don't know much about teenagers, but I do know that you love your kids. Keep loving them. Keep praying for them. They know you love them. Just keep doing you best and remember that YOUR BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH! One of my friend told me to "be kind to yourself." I tell myself that 100 times a day. "Be kind to yourself!" We are not perfect. We are just doing our best.

    My heart aches with your heartache. You are a great mom, great sister, great aunt, and great example to me. And you have been since I first met you. I love you, Randi.